my new sexual orientation
http://www.abstinenceonly.com/
Dear Bishop,
my girlfriend and I have an honest, loving relationship and have both agreed we want to wait until marriage to "do it." We like to go on long walks holding hands and kissing sometimes. When we're "in the mood" she'll let me masturbate her through her panties while she jerks me off until I ejaculate on her breasts and face (mouth closed, of course.) Could this be considered as "spilling my seed in vain"?
Yours Truly, Wondering
Dear Wondering,
Depends on what she looks like... (ha ha, just a little clerical humor there... ) All kidding aside, there's nothing "in vain" about firing your load all over your faith partner's face and tits. The bible specifically admonishes Onan for "spilling his seed upon the ground", so as long as your aim is good, you have nothing to worry about. Ditto for your faith partner, so long as she doesn't let any get into her mouth.
A few words for our readers regarding this practice, known in religious circles as a "facial cumshot." A common misconception is that this is some form of abasement or sexual humiliation when in fact nothing could be further from the truth. With the possible exception of the fingerprint, the human face is an amalgam of our most unique physical characteristics and as such represents a visual template of our DNA. The male desire to spray sperm all over people's faces is, in actuality, an expression of the natural desire to procreate, juxtaposing visually their literal DNA against the metaphorical DNA of their partners face. Along the same lines, ejaculating on a woman's breasts symbolizes your desire to have her lactate. if your faith partner seems reluctant or squeamish about such practices, simply explain this to her and everything should work out fine.
Dear Bishop,
my girlfriend and I have an honest, loving relationship and have both agreed we want to wait until marriage to "do it." We like to go on long walks holding hands and kissing sometimes. When we're "in the mood" she'll let me masturbate her through her panties while she jerks me off until I ejaculate on her breasts and face (mouth closed, of course.) Could this be considered as "spilling my seed in vain"?
Yours Truly, Wondering
Dear Wondering,
Depends on what she looks like... (ha ha, just a little clerical humor there... ) All kidding aside, there's nothing "in vain" about firing your load all over your faith partner's face and tits. The bible specifically admonishes Onan for "spilling his seed upon the ground", so as long as your aim is good, you have nothing to worry about. Ditto for your faith partner, so long as she doesn't let any get into her mouth.
A few words for our readers regarding this practice, known in religious circles as a "facial cumshot." A common misconception is that this is some form of abasement or sexual humiliation when in fact nothing could be further from the truth. With the possible exception of the fingerprint, the human face is an amalgam of our most unique physical characteristics and as such represents a visual template of our DNA. The male desire to spray sperm all over people's faces is, in actuality, an expression of the natural desire to procreate, juxtaposing visually their literal DNA against the metaphorical DNA of their partners face. Along the same lines, ejaculating on a woman's breasts symbolizes your desire to have her lactate. if your faith partner seems reluctant or squeamish about such practices, simply explain this to her and everything should work out fine.
posted by andy at 5:40 PM
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